Letter: Why is no one addressing bullying that lead to suicide?
To the editor,
I am from Paso Robles and was extremely saddened by the news of the suicide of a 12-year-old girl. I would like to know why the news has not reported on the bullying that was related to this incident.
It should be of interest to the public that there was and still is bullying going on at Lewis Middle School. I have first hand knowledge of continued bullying at this school. The Paso Robles Joint Unified School District is responsible for this bullying and responsible for stopping it.
Lewis Middle School is continuing to allow bullying at their school. A student who is being bullied and reaches out for help, is not only denied that help, but is given the only choice of not going to school. To put a family in this position is reprehensible. Section 234 of the Education Code states that the it is the policy of the State of California to ensure that all schools work to reduce bullying. The school board is not doing their job.
There has already been a death because of bullying in this school and the student who is being bullied has told the staff and has asked for help to no avail.
This is worth looking into.
Thank you,
Sasha Aguilar
Paso Robles
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Parent volunteers used to be incouraged when Dr. Oyler was there, this was a great way to keep in tuned with the students and the actions of campus. We no longer are able to volunteer there as parents and I think it's a disservice to our student body and the staff.
Tamara Hodel
Dr.oyler told my son to handle it himself. The teachers and principals to seem educated how to handle and stop it.
I am a mother of a young man that completed suicide in 1997 at the age of 17. It's sad to say that bullying has been around a long time and no one does anything about it. Bullying is real and it cause a lot of deaths. I beleive the biggest reason nothing is done is because they feel that a person has to have mental problems in order to do that. Not always does the person have to mental problems for them to complete suicide.
It sadden me to this day to still hear that people just don't care and want to blame mental illness for it.
When my child was bullied at Lewis dr,Oyler said my son needs to stand up for himself. The faculty needs to be educated how to handle this. It is a big problem at Lewis. They seem more concerned about absences than the suicide and bullying at schools. Wake up Paso.
but what we can do to push the district to do something about this? I'm an agree to make the district responsible for this kind of situation!
My daughter is 8 years old and told me a couple days ago. Mom my classmate told me that I have stupid brain only cause I can't read fast that she
It's not just Lewis… Pat butler has same issues yet the kid is still around all the kids he bullies.. Slap on hand and a day off school? What happened to 0 tolerance…. Seems 0 tolerance in the work place gets u fired… But at school…..?????? Or worse the kids who do stand up for themselves are the ones who get in trouble and get the permanent marks on their record…. So that teaches the bullies it's ok… So that leads to many other issues such as rape… When will society wake up… Kids have no respect for anyone/anything…. Because punishment is only a time out… Im sorry some kids deserve that paddle… There are generations that survived and are better because of the lessons in respect…
Here is an idea, how about parents start to discipline their children and hold them accountable for their actions. How about partnering with the schools instead of bad mouthing them. It is so easy to blame the schools, yet what about the parents part of accountability. Bullying is an awful epidemic, but instead of bad mouthing why not try to work with school district to help. After all, if a child was bullied at a playground should we bad mouth the city for letting it happen or at the movie theater, go after the owner. Turn negative into positive instead of more negative.
Amen Tamara Hodel! Positive not negative.
One of the reasons my daughter is at St. Rose!
Jennifer Wendy Martinez no you need to bring someone in who does. If kids are killing themselves don't you think we should do something ? Or shall we stay silent?
No one is attacking you, we need to come together and do something but the fact that it isn't even being addressed is the problem lady. Grow a heart not an attitude
So do share what St. Rose does that's so amazing?
Parents need to start at home, but I just don't understand why kids are not suspended or worse, made to do work around the school or write essays. Kids hate that. A day off school is great, but a day of extra school work or clean up and some counseling might help.
Jennifer Wendy Martinez let's just talk about it. The fact that we aren't talking about is what worries me. Perhaps there is someone or group that we can get to come here and put on assembly for the kids as a whole. I was referring to educating Everyone as a whole. I didn't mean to offend you. Suicide and bullying is a problem. We all need to be talking about it and do something.
Jennifer Wendy Martinez Listeniing to the kids would help. I spent 1st through 12th Grade in Paso. I was bullied that entire time. Every tme I spoke up about it, I was basically called a liar and talked down to because I was a child. In Elementary School at Virginia Peterson it was "The Marvin Disease" In Middle School at Lewis, I was harrassed (by students AND teachers.) I remember, specifically, in 7th Grade, I was stabbed with mechanical pencil and the nurse thought I did it to myself to get out of class. I still have the scars on my shoulder. In High School, I had a teacher throw a chair at me while i was on the track. He was a Coach so nothing happened. I got even more flack by teachers when I openely opposed that ridiculous prop 8.
Basically, what I am saying is, if teachers and administraters would actually listen to the students and not treat them like they are lying 100% f the time, things might actually get easier.
Agreed! My students at the high school are currently working on 3 different ways to help. May not prevent it, but hopefully help.
What really pisses me off is the fact, some person bullied this child to death, and he/she or they will either get away free, our a slap on the wrist…
the bullying there is just as vicious. kids are cruel.
Very proactive when they find out something is going on, they call parents in and ensure
that it is dealt with right when they find out. Obviously a smaller school, last year about six parents of our
six grade parents were able to meet and workout what was going on between the students. Seventh grade has been much smoother!
Maybe somebody needs to notify somebody higher up say state level . paso needs to get there head out of the wine barrel and get back to what's really important , like our kids.
And why do the parents of these bullies get away with not parenting their child. If they are aware of their child's behavior, they should be held accountable when they choose to ignore the behavior!
I was very sadden by the news of the 12 year old girl at Lewis, as my son is a 12 year at Flamson. It really touched me. As soon as I heard the news is I immediately at a talk with my two older boys about being bullied and if they were ever bullies what their life would be like after I found out. I think bullying has to do alot with what the parents teach them, or what the kids see their parents do. I've witnessed two kids last Friday at Lewis act out at one of the sports offered to the kids of our community. These two kids attended Lewis as well, a 6th grader boys was trying to fight a 5th grader boy in front of everyone. That 6th graders father came out of the stands and did the exact same thing. Not only was he showing poor sportsmanship, he obviously was following someone's foot steps.moral of my post us as parents has alot to do with how our children treat others. Whether we want to take responsibility for our children's actions or not, we as parents are the root of it all.
Benni Jung I hope you're speaking from experience at Saint Rose otherwise that would be a cruel thing to say about Saint Rose. To answer your question Tamara, there isn't a single parent at Saint Rose that isn't volunteering and or involved at the school. The school makes it very inviting for parents and family members to be involved and a big part of the success of the school and it's students.
Let's organize! as concerned citizens and parents. Collective action can make a reaction from those who seem not to be taking charge of this situation. I am a former social worker, and willing to get us organized to address what is killing our children in more than one way. If you are interested to meet email me at ivelissegc@yahoo.com
Jennifer Wendy Martinez first of all the biggest problem here is the school lied to the kids by telling them she died of a heart problem not suicide! Why would they lie about it when it was being reported as a suicide and EVERYONE knew that, so instead of taking a lead roll here and use this tragedy to show kids what the consequences can be when you treat someone bad! This whole dodge the truth, hide behind our anti bullying posters and re label this child's suicide as a health problem was ridiculous! This is all these well educated ADULTS could come up with! Really!! Lewis School just lost any hope of those kids trusting them! Without that your not making a difference in their lives! Your just another teacher collecting a pay check! The extra time they get for nutrition, & recess along with this n that is just unnecessary! Cut all the socializing and switching classes out! Drop the kids off in the morning they sit in 1 class for a few hours and forced into getting along with each other! Strength in numbers empowers these kids to belittle and hurt others. This is a very HOT topic with me and it began when Lewis got the anti bully award I was shocked Lewis school accepted it! Not a very good example is being shown to the kids I decided on independent studies and my home is at peace again!
The story is, " We are investigating your bullying complaint BUT do to privacy and confidentiality we can't tell you the results." So when my grandson suffered several bully episodes by the same boy NOTHING visible was ever done..the bully never missed a day of school or continued bullying..it's a very sad state of schools right now…
I think what has bothered me the most about this (besides the fact that a little girl decided this was her only way to deal with what was happening to her, a very sad and tragic situation all around and my heart hurts for her) is that unless people have first-hand knowledge, and I mean have witnessed it, stop jumping on the blame-train and let's get together as a community and figure out how to truly put a stop on this. I personally have a child that started 8th grade at Lewis and for the first time there, she made friends, she was excited to be a part of things happening there and she absolutely thrived there. This was a child who didn't even speak in her previous school. She has gone on to being even more of a happy, successful and outgoing student at PRHS. I have another child that is younger that I will have attend Lewis and I will do so with confidence. I have also had both of my children go through mild bullying situations and it was stopped immediately (and it wasn't at Paso Schools). I clearly remember how I felt, anger, sadness, hurt for my child and I contacted both the school and the district. Yes, I expect my children's schools to follow the anti-bullying policies that are put into place and I would think they expect me to do my job as a parent and educate, ask questions and help my child at home and communicate with them if my child has told me something that is happening, either to her or has seen it happened to another child as well. And the same goes if it was my child that was doing the bullying. It would be stopped, starting at home. That is how it's supposed to be. But have you watched TV lately? See the people our children idolize in music, reality tv, the so-called children's movies and sitcoms? Do you see what our political leaders and possible leaders do to one another? How they speak to one another and about one another. It's horrific. My then-8 year old watched one political debate one time and looked at me and said "How do they expect kids not to bully one another when the adults who are supposed to be in charge bully each other all the time?" The wisdom of our youth. What I hear, see, and read is people who have experienced this first-hand and I want to say how deeply sorry I am that you or your child has had to deal with that. But I also see a lot of "I heard". Now we've got people who have never set foot on a campus asking if they should move their student to another school out of fear and not confirmed facts. Tragically, this is everywhere and not just in schools. We need to educate our children both for school and real life. As parents, we want our children to feel safe and protected. We have to be the voice, we are the adults. We have to say enough and stop the cycle now. Parent, Schools and Community. Be the positive change you want to see in the world, there's already enough negative.
I agree parents need to take responsibility as well. We need to be teaching our children respect for others and to treat others as we would like to be treated. I remember being taught "The Golden Rule". It used to be that when a child was called into the principal's office, the parents trusted the principal's authority and opinion of the situation and the child was disciplined accordingly. Now, the parents usually defend the child and think their child could not possibly do anything wrong. So the child sits back and laughs, because they know they are not going to get in trouble at home for their actions at school. The parents get angry and defensive to the school administrator which in turn re-inforces the child'
s bad behavior. Our children need to realize that we as parents are not going to put up with their behavior and make sure that they are disciplined at home. We need to trust the teachers and administrators that are seeing our children in action. I used to volunteer at the schools when my children were young and was a witness to bad behavior that the parents just refused to acknowledge. As much as we love our children and want to support them and develop high self esteem, not everyone is a winner and deserves an award. Children need to be held accountable for their actions, or lack there of, and taught how to behave and respect others. It all starts at home.
What about bringing in Suicide Survivors to talk to the kids. It could be siblings, friends or parents. People who have dealth with this first hand and can reach out to these kids. I agree with the parents having to be held accountable also. To many have very busy lives and don't realize what is going on with their kids. Parents need to be brought into the school and made to see waht that child is doing and what the end result can be. The school work witht he parent what action should be taken. So that everyone is on the same page. A slap on the wrist be the school is nothing and then send them home and the parents do nothing. Please help these kids. As a survivor it takes years and years to get to a place where you can deal with it. Never Never understand it, just deal with it.
Because if our childern aren't killing themselves over be bullied then there's a chance they will grow up to hurt others.
Debbie Ashpaugh-Caruana Because many times the parents don't even know their child is being a bully; these kids know how to work their parents. If the school is not letting parents know that their child is being a bully those parents have no way to disipline.
I see that Mrs. Solid did not mention that the 5th grade boy was bigger than the 6th grade boy and that the 5th grade boy threw the 6th grade boy down to the ground during the basketball game. If that wasn't enough, the 5th grade boy said unsportsmanlike things to the 6th grade boy while he was down. As a parent, I saw the 6th grade boy defending himself from a bully. I was that parent that went into to the floor to remove my son from the game. I was disappointed to see that the 5th grade boy was allowed to remain in the game because of his actions lead to the end results. This is the exact thing that is going on, parents pointing the finger without taking accountability for their own child's action and condoning that instigating type of behavior. Let's do a better job of putting out one sided stories
It was not the schools place to report how she died. It was a sensitive topic and they were trying afford the family privacy as long as they can. They were damned if they reported he truth and damned if they didn't. I for one wanted to have a conversation with my child first before she found out a twisted truth from rumors spread by children.
Mr Chavez I was just simply saying how our children learn from us. We are the ones that mold them into who they are. By you running of the stands getting into the ref's face yelling at the coach, and telling the ref to meet you outside to handle that situation. You showed your son how to respond to a situation like that in a wrong way. That's all I was saying. We all seen and heard what was being said and how it was handled. Is the boy wrong for "throwing" him down? Yes! But to result into the 6th grader trying to punch and choke the other boy was very inappropriate. No one was right in that situation. All I'm trying to get across is that we are our children's role models.
The problem with punishment right now is kids know there is absolutely nothing a school can do to them. You can't kick a kid out of school as the law is on their side that we have to educate them. 9/10 times the parents come in and stuck up for their little angels. People think schools should hold kids and parents accountable but right now their hands are tied. Bullying is a tough issue because people are sick of hearing about some of the minute issues being called "bullying" while the actual hurtful stuff keeps going on.
Yes! Schools and parents. Hold them accountable.
Everyone who posted a negative comment on this link I hope to see you ALL at Lewis Middle School Thursday night at 5:30pm for a meeting regarding bullying ect- posting comments and bashing Lewis is very sad and disheartening especially when you don't know all of the facts! Sasha Aguilar I I hope you are there since this is your letter as well as Paso Robles Daily News so then you can post a new story regarding the "situation " at Lewis! Lewis is a great school with hardworking dedicated employees! It's sad and upsetting how out of hand this has gotten!!
Molly Johnson -I apologize if I didn't make myself clear… but my comments were meant for parents who have been advised that there child is being a problem and choose to deny it's happening. I can tell you … I have volunteered at the schools for the past 12 years … and I have seen this more times than I can count. I agree… just like for teachers… parent cannot help if they are not made aware of the behavior.
How can we help??
I hear stories daily from my son at another local Middle School, that his Math teacher is actually bullied by a student in her class and, after constant threats and trips to the office this child still returns to disrupt class. If the teachers are being bullied how can we help stop our children from being bullied??? I support our schools and our staff but something has to give.
Last year my 12 year old son had a known bully punch him in the head so hard the bully broke his hand, and my son was suspended for trying to stand up for himself.
I know its tough and we cant bubble wrap our kids but some of this behavior is borderline criminal.
What can we do to help?, I'm all in.
I talk with my kids all the time about bullying and suicide risks. We can't coddle our kids or shield them from this anymore. The best way to deal with this is head on. Parents need to work with the schools in this. Be more evolved, snoop through their phones, and computers or other electronics. As parents we need to realize that our kids aren't perfect and they don't always make the right choices, don't defend them when they misbehave. Also, some will probably disagree with this (and thats fine) but enroll your kids in an anti bullying class. One that teaches them how to physically stop an actual attack. The Pit North does these classes a few times a year and it is usually for free! I know I personally would rather pick my kid up from school because they defended an attack and they are ok, then to have to take them to the hospital. Unfortunately our kids are exposed to this regardless, there are always going to be bullies, no matter what we do, but tackling it head on will help. It will also show our kids they are not alone, and there is hope.
Jennifer Wendy Martinez there are fantastic bully prevention programs available that can be implemented district wide. The elementary school I work for uses the Olweus program and we have seen drastic reduction in bullying. The program involves weekly class meetings where everyone sits in a circle and there are specific rules of conduct. Teachers discuss social conflict issues, define what bullying is, standing up for each other, etc. The program trains the kids to tell an adult at school AND at home if they are being bullied. Each classroom has a box where students can write concerns to the teachers in case they are too afraid to tell them verbally. ALL adults on our campus were trained in the program. So, classroom aides, yard supervisors, etc all learned the rules and how the program works. It's been amazing seeing students not only standing up for themselves but also standing up for each other if bullying occurs.
I am with Tierra, we can teach our kids to protect themselves, and we need to work with the schools to improve their response as well! My son was being bullied, so, I enrolled him in martial arts. He learned how to stop bullies and it greatly increased his confidence. As a teen, one of his friends was being bullied and he defended that friend by taking the bully down. The school was going to suspend my son until I got involved and pointed out that there was no teacher present and that they were not doing anything to prevent such attacks. It takes a two pronged effort to stop this problem, teaching kids how to prevent it, and working with the schools to get them to take action!
Debbie Ashpaugh-Caruana You are right – way too many parents do their children a disservice by believing they are perfect and can do no wrong. As NO ONE is perfect this creates a terrible strain on the children.
I have been reading the posts on this article for a few days now…and I am amazed how many people are quick to assume the bullying always happens on campus and is reported to adminstration. ( Haters don't go all hating on me….. Yes I understand that there are many cases that it does, and if reported, should be handled appropriately with every aggressive, legal effort to get it stopped —- ) BUT, there are many times that it's not…. It's done thru social media… facebook, snapchat, askfm, instagram… etc……. PARENTS are you paying attention to your childrens social media? When is the last time you looked at it…. Do you have their passwords? It's important to know what is being said to them and what they are saying to others! Educate yourself on the apps the kids are using today and how they can hide apps behind other apps…… Maybe we should have a informational meeeting teaching parents about all this, but it's all pretty crazy. Some PARENTS seriously need to be plug in with their kids. We have a reponsisiblity, as parents, to know what's happening in our minor child's life. It's not invading their privacy… it's protecting them …. and others in some cases.
Melissa Phillips that sounds great, I'll share that with the district and they can look at it and maybe add it to the anti-bullying programs already in place. It would be amazing if that would end bullying.
Since you don't know me or my tone of voice that wasn't meant as sarcasm. It seems that the tone of social media is always sarcasm.
And this is exactly what is wrong with Paso Robles Unified School district (THE EDUCATORS)!!! The sarcasm and standoff attitude that "educator" Jennifer Wendy Martinez expresses in her comments is probably why many students can't or don't feel comfortable expressing their experiences with bullying. The teachers themselves don't know or are not educated enough to handle it and easily become enraged or fustrated with concerned parents who look up to them for assistance or answers, given that our children spent a major part of the day in their campus. Bullying is a learned behavior and often children portray behaviors learned at home. Maybe the school should partner up with local university or college to implement a mentoring program to assist the bully and the victims. SMH!!!
Crystal Segura Your point re Jennifer Wendy Martinez's "sarcasm and standoff attitude" is so cogent, because as she states, that is the farthest thing from her intent. A huge contributor to this bullying phenomenon is the rampant use of social media by children. If it is so easy for educated, rational adults to misinterpret a post from other educated, rational adults, think about how much easier and more likely it is for kids of all ages to misinterpret and respond inappropriately? Adolescence has always been the toughest time socially, and the multiple social media channels available only intensify this time of angst. These days, adolescent relationships are formed and dissolved through Facebook, texting, or other non-personal electronic methods. It is very harmful, as this is teaching kids to lack empathy and allowing them to not assume responsibility for their hurtful words. As the parent of a toddler, and the friend of many parents with tweens and teens, this phenomenon worries me so much. Schools need to acknowledge this new way of relating and incorporate curriculum that teaches appropriate interpersonal communication to kids via all channels, and parents need to be active participants in those discussions and vigilant in monitoring their children's use of social media. Like most conflicts or challenges in life, it comes down to communication. As an influential communications expert and philosopher once said (in 1964!) "the medium is the message." That could not be more true than in today's age, when 100 character posts go up and around the web in a nanosecond and are given more weight because kids "saw it on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat." This is a societal problem, and it is everyone who is involved in teaching and rearing children's responsibility to address it and teach compassion, understanding, and responsible communication to our future generations. If empathy and personal responsibilty are not taught, it is a dire world these kids face.
So sorry for the family of this 12 year old girl. As soon as I heard what happen, I knew right away it was from being bullied. I understand about being bullied. I grew up with this for many years in school. It was a small problem when I was in school, could not imagne it today. I would never tell my parents. The school faculty needs to be educated about what all this intells. If you never been bullied you will never know. Teachers know what is going on, they are afaird the parents will sue them
Parent volunteers used to be incouraged when Dr. Oyler was there, this was a great way to keep in tuned with the students and the actions of campus. We no longer are able to volunteer there as parents and I think it's a disservice to our student body and the staff.
Tamara Hodel
Dr.oyler told my son to handle it himself. The teachers and principals to seem educated how to handle and stop it.
I am a mother of a young man that completed suicide in 1997 at the age of 17. It's sad to say that bullying has been around a long time and no one does anything about it. Bullying is real and it cause a lot of deaths. I beleive the biggest reason nothing is done is because they feel that a person has to have mental problems in order to do that. Not always does the person have to mental problems for them to complete suicide.
It sadden me to this day to still hear that people just don't care and want to blame mental illness for it.
When my child was bullied at Lewis dr,Oyler said my son needs to stand up for himself. The faculty needs to be educated how to handle this. It is a big problem at Lewis. They seem more concerned about absences than the suicide and bullying at schools. Wake up Paso.
but what we can do to push the district to do something about this? I'm an agree to make the district responsible for this kind of situation!
My daughter is 8 years old and told me a couple days ago. Mom my classmate told me that I have stupid brain only cause I can't read fast that she
It's not just Lewis… Pat butler has same issues yet the kid is still around all the kids he bullies.. Slap on hand and a day off school? What happened to 0 tolerance…. Seems 0 tolerance in the work place gets u fired… But at school…..?????? Or worse the kids who do stand up for themselves are the ones who get in trouble and get the permanent marks on their record…. So that teaches the bullies it's ok… So that leads to many other issues such as rape… When will society wake up… Kids have no respect for anyone/anything…. Because punishment is only a time out… Im sorry some kids deserve that paddle… There are generations that survived and are better because of the lessons in respect…
Here is an idea, how about parents start to discipline their children and hold them accountable for their actions. How about partnering with the schools instead of bad mouthing them. It is so easy to blame the schools, yet what about the parents part of accountability. Bullying is an awful epidemic, but instead of bad mouthing why not try to work with school district to help. After all, if a child was bullied at a playground should we bad mouth the city for letting it happen or at the movie theater, go after the owner. Turn negative into positive instead of more negative.
Amen Tamara Hodel! Positive not negative.
One of the reasons my daughter is at St. Rose!
Jennifer Wendy Martinez no you need to bring someone in who does. If kids are killing themselves don't you think we should do something ? Or shall we stay silent?
No one is attacking you, we need to come together and do something but the fact that it isn't even being addressed is the problem lady. Grow a heart not an attitude
So do share what St. Rose does that's so amazing?
Parents need to start at home, but I just don't understand why kids are not suspended or worse, made to do work around the school or write essays. Kids hate that. A day off school is great, but a day of extra school work or clean up and some counseling might help.
Jennifer Wendy Martinez let's just talk about it. The fact that we aren't talking about is what worries me. Perhaps there is someone or group that we can get to come here and put on assembly for the kids as a whole. I was referring to educating Everyone as a whole. I didn't mean to offend you. Suicide and bullying is a problem. We all need to be talking about it and do something.
Jennifer Wendy Martinez Listeniing to the kids would help. I spent 1st through 12th Grade in Paso. I was bullied that entire time. Every tme I spoke up about it, I was basically called a liar and talked down to because I was a child. In Elementary School at Virginia Peterson it was "The Marvin Disease" In Middle School at Lewis, I was harrassed (by students AND teachers.) I remember, specifically, in 7th Grade, I was stabbed with mechanical pencil and the nurse thought I did it to myself to get out of class. I still have the scars on my shoulder. In High School, I had a teacher throw a chair at me while i was on the track. He was a Coach so nothing happened. I got even more flack by teachers when I openely opposed that ridiculous prop 8.
Basically, what I am saying is, if teachers and administraters would actually listen to the students and not treat them like they are lying 100% f the time, things might actually get easier.
Agreed! My students at the high school are currently working on 3 different ways to help. May not prevent it, but hopefully help.
What really pisses me off is the fact, some person bullied this child to death, and he/she or they will either get away free, our a slap on the wrist…
the bullying there is just as vicious. kids are cruel.
Very proactive when they find out something is going on, they call parents in and ensure
that it is dealt with right when they find out. Obviously a smaller school, last year about six parents of our
six grade parents were able to meet and workout what was going on between the students. Seventh grade has been much smoother!
Maybe somebody needs to notify somebody higher up say state level . paso needs to get there head out of the wine barrel and get back to what's really important , like our kids.
And why do the parents of these bullies get away with not parenting their child. If they are aware of their child's behavior, they should be held accountable when they choose to ignore the behavior!
I was very sadden by the news of the 12 year old girl at Lewis, as my son is a 12 year at Flamson. It really touched me. As soon as I heard the news is I immediately at a talk with my two older boys about being bullied and if they were ever bullies what their life would be like after I found out. I think bullying has to do alot with what the parents teach them, or what the kids see their parents do. I've witnessed two kids last Friday at Lewis act out at one of the sports offered to the kids of our community. These two kids attended Lewis as well, a 6th grader boys was trying to fight a 5th grader boy in front of everyone. That 6th graders father came out of the stands and did the exact same thing. Not only was he showing poor sportsmanship, he obviously was following someone's foot steps.moral of my post us as parents has alot to do with how our children treat others. Whether we want to take responsibility for our children's actions or not, we as parents are the root of it all.
Benni Jung I hope you're speaking from experience at Saint Rose otherwise that would be a cruel thing to say about Saint Rose. To answer your question Tamara, there isn't a single parent at Saint Rose that isn't volunteering and or involved at the school. The school makes it very inviting for parents and family members to be involved and a big part of the success of the school and it's students.
Let's organize! as concerned citizens and parents. Collective action can make a reaction from those who seem not to be taking charge of this situation. I am a former social worker, and willing to get us organized to address what is killing our children in more than one way. If you are interested to meet email me at ivelissegc@yahoo.com
Jennifer Wendy Martinez first of all the biggest problem here is the school lied to the kids by telling them she died of a heart problem not suicide! Why would they lie about it when it was being reported as a suicide and EVERYONE knew that, so instead of taking a lead roll here and use this tragedy to show kids what the consequences can be when you treat someone bad! This whole dodge the truth, hide behind our anti bullying posters and re label this child's suicide as a health problem was ridiculous! This is all these well educated ADULTS could come up with! Really!! Lewis School just lost any hope of those kids trusting them! Without that your not making a difference in their lives! Your just another teacher collecting a pay check! The extra time they get for nutrition, & recess along with this n that is just unnecessary! Cut all the socializing and switching classes out! Drop the kids off in the morning they sit in 1 class for a few hours and forced into getting along with each other! Strength in numbers empowers these kids to belittle and hurt others. This is a very HOT topic with me and it began when Lewis got the anti bully award I was shocked Lewis school accepted it! Not a very good example is being shown to the kids I decided on independent studies and my home is at peace again!
The story is, " We are investigating your bullying complaint BUT do to privacy and confidentiality we can't tell you the results." So when my grandson suffered several bully episodes by the same boy NOTHING visible was ever done..the bully never missed a day of school or continued bullying..it's a very sad state of schools right now…
I think what has bothered me the most about this (besides the fact that a little girl decided this was her only way to deal with what was happening to her, a very sad and tragic situation all around and my heart hurts for her) is that unless people have first-hand knowledge, and I mean have witnessed it, stop jumping on the blame-train and let's get together as a community and figure out how to truly put a stop on this. I personally have a child that started 8th grade at Lewis and for the first time there, she made friends, she was excited to be a part of things happening there and she absolutely thrived there. This was a child who didn't even speak in her previous school. She has gone on to being even more of a happy, successful and outgoing student at PRHS. I have another child that is younger that I will have attend Lewis and I will do so with confidence. I have also had both of my children go through mild bullying situations and it was stopped immediately (and it wasn't at Paso Schools). I clearly remember how I felt, anger, sadness, hurt for my child and I contacted both the school and the district. Yes, I expect my children's schools to follow the anti-bullying policies that are put into place and I would think they expect me to do my job as a parent and educate, ask questions and help my child at home and communicate with them if my child has told me something that is happening, either to her or has seen it happened to another child as well. And the same goes if it was my child that was doing the bullying. It would be stopped, starting at home. That is how it's supposed to be. But have you watched TV lately? See the people our children idolize in music, reality tv, the so-called children's movies and sitcoms? Do you see what our political leaders and possible leaders do to one another? How they speak to one another and about one another. It's horrific. My then-8 year old watched one political debate one time and looked at me and said "How do they expect kids not to bully one another when the adults who are supposed to be in charge bully each other all the time?" The wisdom of our youth. What I hear, see, and read is people who have experienced this first-hand and I want to say how deeply sorry I am that you or your child has had to deal with that. But I also see a lot of "I heard". Now we've got people who have never set foot on a campus asking if they should move their student to another school out of fear and not confirmed facts. Tragically, this is everywhere and not just in schools. We need to educate our children both for school and real life. As parents, we want our children to feel safe and protected. We have to be the voice, we are the adults. We have to say enough and stop the cycle now. Parent, Schools and Community. Be the positive change you want to see in the world, there's already enough negative.
I agree parents need to take responsibility as well. We need to be teaching our children respect for others and to treat others as we would like to be treated. I remember being taught "The Golden Rule". It used to be that when a child was called into the principal's office, the parents trusted the principal's authority and opinion of the situation and the child was disciplined accordingly. Now, the parents usually defend the child and think their child could not possibly do anything wrong. So the child sits back and laughs, because they know they are not going to get in trouble at home for their actions at school. The parents get angry and defensive to the school administrator which in turn re-inforces the child'
s bad behavior. Our children need to realize that we as parents are not going to put up with their behavior and make sure that they are disciplined at home. We need to trust the teachers and administrators that are seeing our children in action. I used to volunteer at the schools when my children were young and was a witness to bad behavior that the parents just refused to acknowledge. As much as we love our children and want to support them and develop high self esteem, not everyone is a winner and deserves an award. Children need to be held accountable for their actions, or lack there of, and taught how to behave and respect others. It all starts at home.
What about bringing in Suicide Survivors to talk to the kids. It could be siblings, friends or parents. People who have dealth with this first hand and can reach out to these kids. I agree with the parents having to be held accountable also. To many have very busy lives and don't realize what is going on with their kids. Parents need to be brought into the school and made to see waht that child is doing and what the end result can be. The school work witht he parent what action should be taken. So that everyone is on the same page. A slap on the wrist be the school is nothing and then send them home and the parents do nothing. Please help these kids. As a survivor it takes years and years to get to a place where you can deal with it. Never Never understand it, just deal with it.
Because if our childern aren't killing themselves over be bullied then there's a chance they will grow up to hurt others.
Debbie Ashpaugh-Caruana Because many times the parents don't even know their child is being a bully; these kids know how to work their parents. If the school is not letting parents know that their child is being a bully those parents have no way to disipline.
I see that Mrs. Solid did not mention that the 5th grade boy was bigger than the 6th grade boy and that the 5th grade boy threw the 6th grade boy down to the ground during the basketball game. If that wasn't enough, the 5th grade boy said unsportsmanlike things to the 6th grade boy while he was down. As a parent, I saw the 6th grade boy defending himself from a bully. I was that parent that went into to the floor to remove my son from the game. I was disappointed to see that the 5th grade boy was allowed to remain in the game because of his actions lead to the end results. This is the exact thing that is going on, parents pointing the finger without taking accountability for their own child's action and condoning that instigating type of behavior. Let's do a better job of putting out one sided stories
It was not the schools place to report how she died. It was a sensitive topic and they were trying afford the family privacy as long as they can. They were damned if they reported he truth and damned if they didn't. I for one wanted to have a conversation with my child first before she found out a twisted truth from rumors spread by children.
Mr Chavez I was just simply saying how our children learn from us. We are the ones that mold them into who they are. By you running of the stands getting into the ref's face yelling at the coach, and telling the ref to meet you outside to handle that situation. You showed your son how to respond to a situation like that in a wrong way. That's all I was saying. We all seen and heard what was being said and how it was handled. Is the boy wrong for "throwing" him down? Yes! But to result into the 6th grader trying to punch and choke the other boy was very inappropriate. No one was right in that situation. All I'm trying to get across is that we are our children's role models.
http://fifth-grader.socialchive.com/five-teenagers-are-asked-why-1-kid-is-being-bullied-watch-what-the-boy-on-the-end-reveals/
The problem with punishment right now is kids know there is absolutely nothing a school can do to them. You can't kick a kid out of school as the law is on their side that we have to educate them. 9/10 times the parents come in and stuck up for their little angels. People think schools should hold kids and parents accountable but right now their hands are tied. Bullying is a tough issue because people are sick of hearing about some of the minute issues being called "bullying" while the actual hurtful stuff keeps going on.
Yes! Schools and parents. Hold them accountable.
Everyone who posted a negative comment on this link I hope to see you ALL at Lewis Middle School Thursday night at 5:30pm for a meeting regarding bullying ect- posting comments and bashing Lewis is very sad and disheartening especially when you don't know all of the facts! Sasha Aguilar I I hope you are there since this is your letter as well as Paso Robles Daily News so then you can post a new story regarding the "situation " at Lewis! Lewis is a great school with hardworking dedicated employees! It's sad and upsetting how out of hand this has gotten!!
Molly Johnson -I apologize if I didn't make myself clear… but my comments were meant for parents who have been advised that there child is being a problem and choose to deny it's happening. I can tell you … I have volunteered at the schools for the past 12 years … and I have seen this more times than I can count. I agree… just like for teachers… parent cannot help if they are not made aware of the behavior.
How can we help??
I hear stories daily from my son at another local Middle School, that his Math teacher is actually bullied by a student in her class and, after constant threats and trips to the office this child still returns to disrupt class. If the teachers are being bullied how can we help stop our children from being bullied??? I support our schools and our staff but something has to give.
Last year my 12 year old son had a known bully punch him in the head so hard the bully broke his hand, and my son was suspended for trying to stand up for himself.
I know its tough and we cant bubble wrap our kids but some of this behavior is borderline criminal.
What can we do to help?, I'm all in.
I talk with my kids all the time about bullying and suicide risks. We can't coddle our kids or shield them from this anymore. The best way to deal with this is head on. Parents need to work with the schools in this. Be more evolved, snoop through their phones, and computers or other electronics. As parents we need to realize that our kids aren't perfect and they don't always make the right choices, don't defend them when they misbehave. Also, some will probably disagree with this (and thats fine) but enroll your kids in an anti bullying class. One that teaches them how to physically stop an actual attack. The Pit North does these classes a few times a year and it is usually for free! I know I personally would rather pick my kid up from school because they defended an attack and they are ok, then to have to take them to the hospital. Unfortunately our kids are exposed to this regardless, there are always going to be bullies, no matter what we do, but tackling it head on will help. It will also show our kids they are not alone, and there is hope.
Jennifer Wendy Martinez there are fantastic bully prevention programs available that can be implemented district wide. The elementary school I work for uses the Olweus program and we have seen drastic reduction in bullying. The program involves weekly class meetings where everyone sits in a circle and there are specific rules of conduct. Teachers discuss social conflict issues, define what bullying is, standing up for each other, etc. The program trains the kids to tell an adult at school AND at home if they are being bullied. Each classroom has a box where students can write concerns to the teachers in case they are too afraid to tell them verbally. ALL adults on our campus were trained in the program. So, classroom aides, yard supervisors, etc all learned the rules and how the program works. It's been amazing seeing students not only standing up for themselves but also standing up for each other if bullying occurs.
I am with Tierra, we can teach our kids to protect themselves, and we need to work with the schools to improve their response as well! My son was being bullied, so, I enrolled him in martial arts. He learned how to stop bullies and it greatly increased his confidence. As a teen, one of his friends was being bullied and he defended that friend by taking the bully down. The school was going to suspend my son until I got involved and pointed out that there was no teacher present and that they were not doing anything to prevent such attacks. It takes a two pronged effort to stop this problem, teaching kids how to prevent it, and working with the schools to get them to take action!
Debbie Ashpaugh-Caruana You are right – way too many parents do their children a disservice by believing they are perfect and can do no wrong. As NO ONE is perfect this creates a terrible strain on the children.
I have been reading the posts on this article for a few days now…and I am amazed how many people are quick to assume the bullying always happens on campus and is reported to adminstration. ( Haters don't go all hating on me….. Yes I understand that there are many cases that it does, and if reported, should be handled appropriately with every aggressive, legal effort to get it stopped —- ) BUT, there are many times that it's not…. It's done thru social media… facebook, snapchat, askfm, instagram… etc……. PARENTS are you paying attention to your childrens social media? When is the last time you looked at it…. Do you have their passwords? It's important to know what is being said to them and what they are saying to others! Educate yourself on the apps the kids are using today and how they can hide apps behind other apps…… Maybe we should have a informational meeeting teaching parents about all this, but it's all pretty crazy. Some PARENTS seriously need to be plug in with their kids. We have a reponsisiblity, as parents, to know what's happening in our minor child's life. It's not invading their privacy… it's protecting them …. and others in some cases.
Melissa Phillips that sounds great, I'll share that with the district and they can look at it and maybe add it to the anti-bullying programs already in place. It would be amazing if that would end bullying.
Since you don't know me or my tone of voice that wasn't meant as sarcasm. It seems that the tone of social media is always sarcasm.
And this is exactly what is wrong with Paso Robles Unified School district (THE EDUCATORS)!!! The sarcasm and standoff attitude that "educator" Jennifer Wendy Martinez expresses in her comments is probably why many students can't or don't feel comfortable expressing their experiences with bullying. The teachers themselves don't know or are not educated enough to handle it and easily become enraged or fustrated with concerned parents who look up to them for assistance or answers, given that our children spent a major part of the day in their campus. Bullying is a learned behavior and often children portray behaviors learned at home. Maybe the school should partner up with local university or college to implement a mentoring program to assist the bully and the victims. SMH!!!
Crystal Segura Your point re Jennifer Wendy Martinez's "sarcasm and standoff attitude" is so cogent, because as she states, that is the farthest thing from her intent. A huge contributor to this bullying phenomenon is the rampant use of social media by children. If it is so easy for educated, rational adults to misinterpret a post from other educated, rational adults, think about how much easier and more likely it is for kids of all ages to misinterpret and respond inappropriately? Adolescence has always been the toughest time socially, and the multiple social media channels available only intensify this time of angst. These days, adolescent relationships are formed and dissolved through Facebook, texting, or other non-personal electronic methods. It is very harmful, as this is teaching kids to lack empathy and allowing them to not assume responsibility for their hurtful words. As the parent of a toddler, and the friend of many parents with tweens and teens, this phenomenon worries me so much. Schools need to acknowledge this new way of relating and incorporate curriculum that teaches appropriate interpersonal communication to kids via all channels, and parents need to be active participants in those discussions and vigilant in monitoring their children's use of social media. Like most conflicts or challenges in life, it comes down to communication. As an influential communications expert and philosopher once said (in 1964!) "the medium is the message." That could not be more true than in today's age, when 100 character posts go up and around the web in a nanosecond and are given more weight because kids "saw it on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat." This is a societal problem, and it is everyone who is involved in teaching and rearing children's responsibility to address it and teach compassion, understanding, and responsible communication to our future generations. If empathy and personal responsibilty are not taught, it is a dire world these kids face.
So sorry for the family of this 12 year old girl. As soon as I heard what happen, I knew right away it was from being bullied. I understand about being bullied. I grew up with this for many years in school. It was a small problem when I was in school, could not imagne it today. I would never tell my parents. The school faculty needs to be educated about what all this intells. If you never been bullied you will never know. Teachers know what is going on, they are afaird the parents will sue them